Technically I have lived in everyplace I have ever been, at least to my knowledge, but for the sake of this posts I’ll limit it the discussion to dwelling places which I may have called home, received mail at, I will exclude hospitals, places I visited, drove through, walked through, spent a night or two at, camps, DR Congo… etc. Since I was born I have lived in the following States: Oregon, Illinois, Iowa, Wyoming, Washington, and Ohio. Within these states I have lived within at least 12 cities, since I was 2.5 I can recall living in at least 21 buildings, some of which I moved from and then moved back to, in at least three of these buildings I lived in, I also lived in different dwelling spaces, (apartments/dorm rooms etc…), within them. Before I was 2.5 I know I lived in a few other places as well. I am fairly certain I will move many more times in my future, and I am at peace with that thought, and would be sad if it was not so.

But this move is different. Once again with this move I find myself moving to a place I have been before, a part of the world that is home for me, a place filled with wonderful nature that is healing, but a place where I know I am not suppose to spend much time. While this rests upon me, I know that space of healing is part of the motivation behind the move. What is most different though is the sense of sadness that falls upon me as I start this move. I don’t quite recall feeling this way at other times, even though I have often moved away from friends and family who meant much to me (and still do mean much) this time it just feels different.

Perhaps it is the length of my goodbye, sharing it with a few close friends about 6 or 8 weeks before the departure and then slowly expanding the circle, longer than most, much shorter than that of College. Much shorter than when I fell ill while living in Seattle, for I became ill many came around me, supported me, and I thought I wouldn’t leave and then things took a turn for the worse and I was gone without really saying goodbye in person to anyone. So I never had the long, surprise goodbye…

This time however, it comes quickly, and for some, including myself as a surprise. As I say good, my heart twinges with sadness, I see people who I have come to know well, dear friends, church goers,  co workers who have become friends and mean more to me than I realized, co workers who perhaps are not to be titled “friend” but yet still mean much to me and  more… Perhaps it is the sense that I am disappointing some of them as I step down from roles, duties, that they have come to expect from me. Perhaps it is because, they mean more to me than I came to realize before, and I wish they could come with me. Perhaps it is hard for me to deal with people expressing how they will miss me, and what I do for them and for the communities in which we share in common.

When I hear them express the tears that came upon hearing, the loss they see or feel, when I see the sadness in their eyes, it becomes hard. When I think of the good times, and as I wonder about missed opportunities  of past and potential of the future if I stayed, I find sadness ring through my heart and soul. When I think of two brothers, the sons of friends of mine, the joy, wonder, and excitement they bring to life, I know I will miss them for they and their parents are like family to me, I don’t want to have to say good bye… though in saying goodbye to them I will go and get a chance to know two girls each about 6 moths older than them, who are family to me, nieces I barely know along with their older brother and sister and also my Sister, their mother. But the thing is you can’t trade one for the other, I will miss this family that is a part of my family, even if not by blood. I will miss my dear friend, whoi I spent many a night talk with, watching movies with, eating with, reflecting with. I will miss several of my co-works, who as I said, I have come to realize over the past couple of weeks mean much more to me, and are more a part of my life than I had thought.

I’m leaving a place filled with friends, and near friends, and coworkers I like to work with (and some who may quickly fade from active memory), and church family to go to a place filled with family and church family, but few friends, that is few friends who know me, few friends who have any idea of the past few years of my life, of who I am, of who I dream to be. I hope new friends will form, I am sure they will…

But still I am surprised by the long sad goodbye that fills me, and realized when one coworker said to me today that she heard I was leaving (she heard on the first day anyone at work knew, but I guess this was our first time talking about non work since), and asked if I might in the future be out this way again, and I said it was possible… And she said if I do, to make sure I stop in and say hello, I hope I do, at least to visit, as I continue my journey and the moves that are before me. Or as others expressed I would be welcomed back here, or where they see themselves transition to in the future, or seeking the grasp of a friendly hug of farewell, or offering a wonderful smile, mixed with sadden eyes. I ponder the words of the parishioners who expressed the loss they felt personally, congregationally, communally for my departure, and hope especially for the ones who expressed it in terms of their personal loss ministerial wise, that they find a pastoral minister who will be able to listen and be present for them, and not blind to the struggles of those who feel left out of the cliques that exists within that community… and what their needs are that are not being addressed, or are overridden because “that’s how we always have done it” or “we don’t see the problem, and so it must not be one…”

I am surprised how many of the people out here, people I have know or just a couple of months, a year, three or four, or in the case of some 10, (I think that is the longest I have known anyone out here, but I could be wrong), I know I will miss greatly. I am also surprised there is a sense of loss from leaving a part of the country filled with people I went to seminary with, knowing I have not physically seen many of them since graduating, and yet still it feels a goodbye to them as well.

Perhaps a part of the sadness is I leave a place I know, people I care about, for a place I once knew, people I care about, but without full understanding of why, or for what purpose, or for how long, or where next, or when will be the next… it is just an empty unknown, mixed with hints of future possibilities, twinged with sadness homing I am leaving at the right time, and not the wrong time, hoping the time doesn’t keep me from meeting her, or if already met realizing she is her… or preventing blocking, delaying ministry that is needed in particular places…

My heart aches, by body weeps, at yet they long for the healing breath of the Spirit found within the rain forests, coasts, and volcanoes to which I go. I hope this time of healing, and reflection will lead me toward greater embrace and understanding of the path I walk on as I journey through life and seek to minister to all of the Holy’s creation as I am called to do… Respecting each life journey, and each one’s understandings of the holy be they similar or vastly different from my own, and aiding them all in and where they are to experience a peace, a hope, a love, and a worth that I understand and express through my Christian faith and they may define and understand in very different ways of faith or life being. Yet, also with open hand and arm, share for those who are seeking a spiritual home the peace of Christ and invite them into sacred community formed in the name of the One who suffered on behalf of all…(Doctrine and Covenants 161:3a)…

Peace be with you all,

Last night I was unable to get to sleep, and once I did I woke often, and then I had to rise to go and prepare for a priesthood meeting. While at the time I felt awake, it would be for a bit of time.  By the time the meeting was over, and the worship service was over I was zapped. between the meds I was taking, the limited and poor sleep, and the medical issues the meds were for and the drain that was having from that as the meds were not helping much, I was drowsy. I perhaps didn’t realize how much so until I sat down in the car to drive home.

I started the car and I drove home, I could tell my senses were not what they should have been to be behind the wheel, but I need to get home to rest. As I drove I wished my life was at that point in time where I had found her… but not for the normal reasons of desiring life long companionship, a sense of being more whole in and through relationship… but just so I might safely get home without endangering myself or others. For if I had found her, or more likely she had found me, and we were together, she could be the one behind the wheel rather than I. Perhaps then I would have remembered taking my second exit, (from one freeway to the next) and be ready for the third (leaving the freeway system) before I was upon the third and going “when did the change the sign?” thinking I was at the second and the realizing I had already taken that exit and  now was at the point where I would exit the freeway system. Driving drowsy is not safe, and you also miss things. I shouldn’t have been driving, I should have either taken a nap in the car, or gotten someone to drive me home or… but I didn’t, I risked it, I risked the welfare of others to reach my goal. It wasn’t the brightest act I have ever made, I fairly sure it wasn’t the first time I have driven while not fully alert, and while I would like to say it is the last time, I have a feeling I will at some point make the mistake again.

The thing is, this encounter relates a lot to life, and to our discipleship. (For those of us who are disciples… if your reading this and are not a disciple, be it of Christ or of someone/thing else, perhaps some of the basics can still relate to your faith/spiritual path and life). Within Christianity we make a commitment at some point (or points) to embrace and follow Christ, to become disciples. Then we move forward in life, but I think we often fail to live up to the commitment that we made in our act(s) of becoming disciples of the risen, living, Christ. We step onto the path of the Discipleship while drowsy, and not fully aware.

We go through the days without being fully aware of what is going on, of why we do what we do. We go to church, or don’t, but we often don’t pause and think about what is around us, we do things out of habit, and perhaps without even realizing it, just as I made the exit, without recalling making it. We feel called to help all those in need, but we walk by the person sleeping on the sidewalk, and perhaps offer a quick prayer, think “oh that is sad”, but don’t take the time to think “why is he there,” we don’t take the time to engage in the needed process to make long lasting changes so there is no need for her or anyone to be sleeping without adequate shelter. We see the hungry, we hear of the hungry, but we work to just address the immediate need, and not to work toward addressing the larger picture and making sustainable changes to how we do things, individually and as a society to create sustainable changes so no one goes hungry and ensuring that the worth and dignity of each person is honored and recognized.  We go to church and see a national flag in the worship space, in a fellowship hall, outside…, and don’t stop to think “should it be there?” What does it convey to me, to others… what does it say about us by where it is placed, about our relationship with our sisters and brothers in Christ of other lands, or of the land that that Government took over, or… about our priorities.  We choose to use disposable products that can’t be recycled, or that can and we choose not to… without thinking through the actions.  We hear the preacher call us to embrace our discipleship, to proclaim the peace of Christ, and the next time we hear a prayer, say a prayer, think about Christ is a week later when we are sitting in the same pew. Not taking the time to be an intentional reflection of Christ’s peace, of God’s Love… to those around us. Not taking time to see that person cry in the back row as communion is served, and offer a prayer for her and her struggles, not taking time to see how she is doing, when she walks out of the sanctuary at the end of the service. We miss a week or to, and no one calls, no one checks on us, and we complain, without thinking of how many others have missed a week or two and we never called, we never visted, or even noticed they were not amongst us. We go to church and don’t greet a person seeking a new home, thinking someone else has, and never learning he went home feeling alone, unwelcome, unloved and never finds the peace they might have found if we had just taken the time to wake up, to see, to care.

We go through our discipleship drowsy, we miss a lot of opportunities to care… like driving drowsy we can harm others, like driving drowsy we can harm ourselves as well. We can forget to be refilled, we can forget to fully engage, to make the correct turns, to be healed…. We set our eye beyond the horizon at the goal of the peaceable community, but forget to look around, to engage and bring that community into being.

So the question on my mind now is: How do we wake up, reenergize, become alert and aware in our discipleship? Are we willing? What would happen if we were to all stopped being drowsy and became alert?

Unlike driving drowsy, where one should not drive until rested, with discipleship we must keep being disciples, but we need to be intentional, we need to ensure we are getting fed and rested as well as serving… We do need to “stop” but stop to: pause, reflect and engage, which is part of being a disciple. It is the stopping of the busy distractions, so we can hear the still small voice, the stopping of going through the motions and not being aware, the stopping of not fully caring….

It’ll be tough, but I think the Holy is calling us to be awake, to be alert and be faithful, dedicated disciples who truly seek to live out the message and passion of Christ with the wholeness of our beings. We are going to stumble lots, but lets keep getting back up, lets keep waking up, and seek to be the people we are called to be.

Peace,

Lyle II

This sermon was an odd one for me, for I was never able to get completely through it (well a version of it) before I preached. As I wrote, as I spoke in the days before and formed it… itwas in flux, parts didn’t work, I paused I stumbled… and yet I felt assured it was the sermon to give.  It was also a bit weird as  while I was working on this sermon a few images kept coming to mind, images that are within the photos I took while in the DR Congo. In particular images of stained glass windows depicting the life of Jesus the Christ… this lead to me creating a power point presentation to go along with the sermon. Something I usually  despise… I don’t like things restricting me, and I find them a distraction often when I am in the congregation and others use them. But I couldn’t help but feel the need to use it. So I did… I choose though to use it to contain a few things other than the images, to emphasize certain parts of the sermon.

Early on as I started playing with the idea, in part as a response to a 2:30am sermon forming session that my mind decided to have (I had been asleep, woke up and for the next couple of hours found myself working on the sermon as it just flowed through my head), I formed the PowerPoint with a series of slides reflecting what I saw as a basic outline based off the page or so of typed notes I had… essentially blank slides with just basic titles as place holders. it stayed this way for a while. Last night after returning from spending time with friends, I found myself typing up the lectionary passage from Acts and from John so people could read as I read, from the same version translation (The Inclusive Bible), along with a few points from by exploration of some of the struggles of the world – human trafficking, poverty…. This morning I added the photographs to it, and then headed to the church to run through the sermon, set things up, and make final changes to the PowerPoint presentation.

Well, as I went through the sermon I found myself re-arranging the order of the scriptures, then moving the photo’s around.. deleting the never filled in slides, and adding a third passage of scripture, Thursday’s RCL reading from Acts – Acts 1:1-11, which had been added to the sermon at some point, but I had not entered into the presentation.  I never ran through the presentation after I made my final alterations to it… Yet it flowed perfectly with the way the m message came out to be… I found myself expressing things more clearly, and in better ways than any of my failed run-through early that morning in the empty sanctuary. I found myself proclaiming the Good News, I found myself encountering the Holy and truly wanting to be, and hoping to be part of the incarnate body of Christ that was expressed, truly wanting to live and share the Gospel of Christ. I found myself sharing and expressing things in new ways in part directly from my encounters with others in community that morning. The message the same as the sermon prepared, but expressed, thanks to the blessing of the Holy, in much clearer, personal, and profound ways… at least to my ears.

I found also, that I love the Acts of the Apostles and preaching from it. I also found hope, I found a peace. I found a joy. I realized as well, I find myself most alive when I am utilizing my gift, embracing my calling and seeking to be individually the one the Holy calls me to be, and communally the the community we are called to be. Even though afterwards, I found myself fully drained. I found through last week and this as well, truly how much I really am called to be a proclaimer of the Good News. While preparing a sermon is taxing, often difficult, while giving one is draining, and more it is part of my calling, a part I need to engage more. I need to engage more in other ways as well.  But there’s more as well.

I have two class/gathering/bible study things I want to engage the congregation in. One is related to hunger, a six week series… the other on Human trafficking. I hope this week to look into these a bit more. What I would like to see is a home gathering of Young Adults / near young Adults engaging in a study, and perhaps out of it engaging in mission. This morning I also thought perhaps its time for this member of the pastorate to step in and help engage in the adult Sunday school… something I do not want to do, but perhaps is needed.

I expressed in the end of the sermon the question is not  “can we” but “will we?” As I end this  post I hope the answer is “Yes”, I hope we will be the living incarnate body of Christ, to allow the indwelling spirit to guide us, strength us and comfort us as we seek to share God’s love and peace to the ends of the earth, living and being as Christ to bring for the peaceable Community we fondly call Zion. I wish that my friend, the audio guy, hadn’t recorded the musical reflection over my sermon, as I would like to hear and share it, but that is not the case. (perhaps for the best who knows, maybe the Holy Spirit was doing a lot of translating between my lips and my ears…).

Peace be with you…

I was sitting in for their pastor, a friend of mine from seminary who was on vacation. This sermon had slowly been forming for some time. In part it started while listening to Apostle Richard James speak at the Aaronic Mass Meeting at World Conference, but it took a long time to reach the sermon. It floated in my head, I reflected, I pondered, but it refused to form. Then Friday while sitting in the sunshine, reading, reflecting, praying, and looking over the lake before me, the sermon started to take shape, coming to near final form just before the thunder and rain started to erupt.

I tried to write the sermon down as I listened to the thunder outside, but this sermon was not meant to be written fully down, it down right refused to be  written down. Rather bits and pieces of the sermon are written on various pieces of paper and in a few documents here and there, but not the entirety or even close to it in any one spot or collection of. However, I knew the sermon I preached to the lake was missing something, something I knew was part of the sermon, things that had been in earlier reflections, that had been floating through post lake, and in further reflections as well. One of those things was “baptism” and in the final form of the sermon, that spoke today, it was clearly there. It had been in it at various points, and it was a critical aspect of the sermon.

I had various notes for the sermon with me, but the only one’s I looked at where those I had in my hand the whole time: A white sticky note attached to page 238 of the Inclusive New Testament, that I looked at once to ensure I didn’t forget anything important, but realized I wasn’t following the order laid out on it but the message was flowing better than if I ahd followed this medium sized outline, which reads:

• Peace be w/ you
• Greetings
• Connection
• Baptism
• Walk through passage
• 8th grade
• Call to listen to & Respond to
• Go, Share

And the scripture passage for the day on page 239, cordon off by two purple sticky notes, which I read and glanced at a few other times: Acts 16:9-15.

As I proclaimed the Good News to and with his gathered community, as the words escaped my lips were blessed by the Spirit and landed upon my ears, I came to a few realizations about myself and my journey. One of those was how  this Community of Christ minister has been blessed greatly through my encounter with Methodists, or former Methodists. Another, that perhaps did not fully start to appear in my realization until I was driving home was that Doctrine and Covenants Section 164 I think impacted the words I shared with them.

It wasn’t that I used 164, (though it was at times used in my reflection and preparation). It wasn’t that some words in 164 changed my understandings. My participation in the world wide discernment process on conditions of membership, along with with two separate papers I wrote specifically on baptism in Community of Christ (one for Ecumenical Theology while at Seattle U, and one for a worship class at MTSO) had been an exploration and starting point of expressing my understanding of Baptism. However, I am fairly certain the words I used, the way I expressed and related to baptism, could not have happened by me in a pre 164. I can’t be sure, but I am fairly certain that 164 with the blessing of the Holy Spirit, freed me to share more fully the Good News this day, to more fully engage this congregations of my sisters and brothers in the body of Christ, with the good news expressed in Acts 16:9-15, and our common call by the Holy Spirit, and common commitment in our shared baptism in Christ. The words that flowed from my moth as I explored our shared covenant, our callings, the witness found in the testimony of the crafter of Luke-Acts as that crafter steps into the story, and shares of their response to the Holy, to the Response of Lydia, the response of many who I have encountered in life. It was a great blessing. I can’t relate the sermon here, I’ve already drifted a bit from what was shared as I try and explore the insight I encountered as I drove with the cool spring air  flowing around me and the sun shining in  the glorious blue sky.

That insight is in part: The Holy blessed me this day, Doctrine and Covenants 164  along with that blessing has freed me to be more fully engaging the mission of the Living Risen Christ, in and with Community of Christ and with the greater body of Christ to which we as Community of Christ belong and are an important part of, and a part that is needed just as much as all the others for the peace of Christ to truly be proclaimed and the peaceable community to come forth. Let us be open to go where the Spirit calls us, even if its not where (or how) we were planning to go. Let us be willing to embrace our shared covenant through our baptism in Christ, and be like Paul, be like Lydia, be like the crafter of Luke-Acts, be like those who came before us and respond to the moving of the Holy Spirit, allow the Spirit to empower us AND Guide us for the journey ahead.

Peace of Christ I leave with you this day,