I guess there’s no easy way. This post was inspired in part by thoughts that came into my mind on the afternoon of 10 Aug 2010 for a title and content of a post, and when I was probably around here…

The title and post upon my mind at that time, is not what will be found here…The title was something along the lines of “getting dressed and stripping on a volcano…” but I still feel that the thoughts and reflections of those moments in time as I descended South Sister are influencing my desire to write at this moment.

The day started of well, I had awoken, gotten ready and was in the van about 20 minutes after I had hoped to be on the road, but still not to bad. The early morning drive was wonderful, however after being on the road for about 30 minutes I realized that I had left my NW Forest pass, so I had to turn around and go pick it up, putting me about an hour and a half behind where I wanted to be… I also had to stop and pick up a few small things at a store in Bend that I had forgotten to pack or pick up, but still got on the trail I felt at a decent time.

Upon my arrival at Devil’s Lake trailhead, I re arranged my pack a bit, made some changes to what I would be taking with me, and then headed out toward the trail and the summit.

The hike through the forest and up South Sister was wonderful, and unlike the last time I traveled these paths, I could see them, stayed upon them, and ascended faster.. as they were not covered by many feet of melting snow. When I reached 7575 feet in elevation I stopped and took a small break and ate lunch, having passed the point where I had stopped in June of 2004 a few minutes prior.

Then it was back to hiking until taking another small break near Teardrop Pool, highest lake in Oregon, this time pulling out a long sleeve shirt, and then a bit further up the trail putting on some pants…

From there I kept going, but as I went up I kept looking at the clouds moving in, and the once clear summit, covered in quick moving clouds… Looking at the distant specs of people heading up or down, and wondering “Should I keep going” and made the decision “I’ll keep going till I meet that group there… and see what the top is like.” So I kept on ascending the volcano. I was told of the wind and the cold above me by a few, but several others upon encountering me said things like “Keep up the good work, your almost there” and “Enjoy the hike”  and also telling me about it being windy, and foggy, but that perhaps as fast as the wind was moving it would blow over soon… So I kept going, and when I reached the rim, it was covered in clouds…  I had a few glimpses down through breaks in the clouds, but, the whole time up there visibility was limited as I traveled around the rim to the Summit. But it was still amazing to stand there on top of the world, and know that I had made it to the top, and to witness the beauty of the clouds, and rock around me.  There un the summit, however I had to take off two layers, even though a bit cold, to place another layer on, and then those back on… I also placed hat and gloves on while I stood and waited a bit hoping, for a break in the clouds before I headed back down, however I eventually started back before such a break occurred.

A bit before the end of the rim, the hat and gloves came off, back at Teardrop, one layer came off, a bit further down that layer went back on after a different one came off, further down the pants came off, and eventually that layer came off once more, and I was back to what I started in as I headed down the remained of the Volcano, and back toward the end…

Now this is a brief account of the adventure, without entailing all my encounters, the bug spray debacle near the end of the hike leading to the lost camera and hiking back up  to find it and so much more… Let along the drive home that took 2 hours longer than it should have do to a very long unplanned stop… What I can say, it was amazing. I am also glad that on the way down, I kept stopping myself from going fast down the trails, to pause and take time to enjoy the nature around me. I can’t wait till my next hike… and before I get into the thoughts upon my head, here is a small sampling of pictures of the journey if you wish to browse them…

South Sister Aug 2010 VIEW SLIDE SHOW

Hmmm, I just realized the time… the thoughts upon my mind will have to wait till later… stay tuned

Technically I have lived in everyplace I have ever been, at least to my knowledge, but for the sake of this posts I’ll limit it the discussion to dwelling places which I may have called home, received mail at, I will exclude hospitals, places I visited, drove through, walked through, spent a night or two at, camps, DR Congo… etc. Since I was born I have lived in the following States: Oregon, Illinois, Iowa, Wyoming, Washington, and Ohio. Within these states I have lived within at least 12 cities, since I was 2.5 I can recall living in at least 21 buildings, some of which I moved from and then moved back to, in at least three of these buildings I lived in, I also lived in different dwelling spaces, (apartments/dorm rooms etc…), within them. Before I was 2.5 I know I lived in a few other places as well. I am fairly certain I will move many more times in my future, and I am at peace with that thought, and would be sad if it was not so.

But this move is different. Once again with this move I find myself moving to a place I have been before, a part of the world that is home for me, a place filled with wonderful nature that is healing, but a place where I know I am not suppose to spend much time. While this rests upon me, I know that space of healing is part of the motivation behind the move. What is most different though is the sense of sadness that falls upon me as I start this move. I don’t quite recall feeling this way at other times, even though I have often moved away from friends and family who meant much to me (and still do mean much) this time it just feels different.

Perhaps it is the length of my goodbye, sharing it with a few close friends about 6 or 8 weeks before the departure and then slowly expanding the circle, longer than most, much shorter than that of College. Much shorter than when I fell ill while living in Seattle, for I became ill many came around me, supported me, and I thought I wouldn’t leave and then things took a turn for the worse and I was gone without really saying goodbye in person to anyone. So I never had the long, surprise goodbye…

This time however, it comes quickly, and for some, including myself as a surprise. As I say good, my heart twinges with sadness, I see people who I have come to know well, dear friends, church goers,  co workers who have become friends and mean more to me than I realized, co workers who perhaps are not to be titled “friend” but yet still mean much to me and  more… Perhaps it is the sense that I am disappointing some of them as I step down from roles, duties, that they have come to expect from me. Perhaps it is because, they mean more to me than I came to realize before, and I wish they could come with me. Perhaps it is hard for me to deal with people expressing how they will miss me, and what I do for them and for the communities in which we share in common.

When I hear them express the tears that came upon hearing, the loss they see or feel, when I see the sadness in their eyes, it becomes hard. When I think of the good times, and as I wonder about missed opportunities  of past and potential of the future if I stayed, I find sadness ring through my heart and soul. When I think of two brothers, the sons of friends of mine, the joy, wonder, and excitement they bring to life, I know I will miss them for they and their parents are like family to me, I don’t want to have to say good bye… though in saying goodbye to them I will go and get a chance to know two girls each about 6 moths older than them, who are family to me, nieces I barely know along with their older brother and sister and also my Sister, their mother. But the thing is you can’t trade one for the other, I will miss this family that is a part of my family, even if not by blood. I will miss my dear friend, whoi I spent many a night talk with, watching movies with, eating with, reflecting with. I will miss several of my co-works, who as I said, I have come to realize over the past couple of weeks mean much more to me, and are more a part of my life than I had thought.

I’m leaving a place filled with friends, and near friends, and coworkers I like to work with (and some who may quickly fade from active memory), and church family to go to a place filled with family and church family, but few friends, that is few friends who know me, few friends who have any idea of the past few years of my life, of who I am, of who I dream to be. I hope new friends will form, I am sure they will…

But still I am surprised by the long sad goodbye that fills me, and realized when one coworker said to me today that she heard I was leaving (she heard on the first day anyone at work knew, but I guess this was our first time talking about non work since), and asked if I might in the future be out this way again, and I said it was possible… And she said if I do, to make sure I stop in and say hello, I hope I do, at least to visit, as I continue my journey and the moves that are before me. Or as others expressed I would be welcomed back here, or where they see themselves transition to in the future, or seeking the grasp of a friendly hug of farewell, or offering a wonderful smile, mixed with sadden eyes. I ponder the words of the parishioners who expressed the loss they felt personally, congregationally, communally for my departure, and hope especially for the ones who expressed it in terms of their personal loss ministerial wise, that they find a pastoral minister who will be able to listen and be present for them, and not blind to the struggles of those who feel left out of the cliques that exists within that community… and what their needs are that are not being addressed, or are overridden because “that’s how we always have done it” or “we don’t see the problem, and so it must not be one…”

I am surprised how many of the people out here, people I have know or just a couple of months, a year, three or four, or in the case of some 10, (I think that is the longest I have known anyone out here, but I could be wrong), I know I will miss greatly. I am also surprised there is a sense of loss from leaving a part of the country filled with people I went to seminary with, knowing I have not physically seen many of them since graduating, and yet still it feels a goodbye to them as well.

Perhaps a part of the sadness is I leave a place I know, people I care about, for a place I once knew, people I care about, but without full understanding of why, or for what purpose, or for how long, or where next, or when will be the next… it is just an empty unknown, mixed with hints of future possibilities, twinged with sadness homing I am leaving at the right time, and not the wrong time, hoping the time doesn’t keep me from meeting her, or if already met realizing she is her… or preventing blocking, delaying ministry that is needed in particular places…

My heart aches, by body weeps, at yet they long for the healing breath of the Spirit found within the rain forests, coasts, and volcanoes to which I go. I hope this time of healing, and reflection will lead me toward greater embrace and understanding of the path I walk on as I journey through life and seek to minister to all of the Holy’s creation as I am called to do… Respecting each life journey, and each one’s understandings of the holy be they similar or vastly different from my own, and aiding them all in and where they are to experience a peace, a hope, a love, and a worth that I understand and express through my Christian faith and they may define and understand in very different ways of faith or life being. Yet, also with open hand and arm, share for those who are seeking a spiritual home the peace of Christ and invite them into sacred community formed in the name of the One who suffered on behalf of all…(Doctrine and Covenants 161:3a)…

Peace be with you all,

Decisions I’ve reflected on, discuses with others about, but still thought theoretical and far off pop into reality as I talk on the phone with others. The reality sets in as letters are drafted or rather redrafted, e-mails are sent, then time to breathe, time passes and then it is time to let those close to me know… more e-mails sent, text messages, face to face conversations, phone calls, old fashioned letters, hand written notes… time flies, reality sets in of the changes about to happen, comfort mixed with sadness, mixed with uncertainty, mixed with I don’t know.  Time to reflect, time to pause, one more letter to be delivered… more conversations to be be made, sadness to come, joy to come, mixture of emotions yet to be… so much to do, so little time, and yet a lifetime of time lies ahead….

My mind wanders, pauses and thinks about what do those close to me who I talked to days before decisions made, will think about upon hearing the changes. Changes that I made not a hint of when sharing with them, for I thought if they came to be they were to be a bit further further off than in reality they were… and thought were but a slight possibility at that.

At some point maybe I’ll look back and go “why?”  or perhaps I will look back and be thankful for the changes I am making… All I can hope for is that as I make these changes, I will allow them to aid me on my journey on the path of Discipleship, allow them to strengthen me, to engage me in sharing Christ’s peace in new and exiting ways, and allow me to find healing that I am in need of.

May I be open to the Spirit, be open to the breathe that guides and comforts, and may I become the instrument of Christ’s peace that I am called to be. May we all embrace our callings, risk the unknown and the known as we seek to live out in our various faiths and understands that path toward the healing and reconciling of an injured, war torn and broken world that cries out for wholeness and peace.

Peace be with you;

I sit here this morning in anticipation of what may come to be. I also sit in wonder of what it means for the church. I sit here with excitement for those who I have already re-encountered and those  that I have yet to encounter again but shall in the near future. I also sit here in reflection of that which has happened thus far. I write now a quick reflection of the last two days, and of “pre-conference” thought now that materials are in my hand and have been reviewed a bit.

I started my perhaps as early as 7:20am EDT on Thursday 8 April 201, for that is about the time I awoke. That morning was a period of relaxation and a bit of last minute preparations before I took off for work that afternoon for a few hours. After work I returned home, prepared a meal for myself, took out the trash and then at about 8:45pm EDT I joined two others and we started our travels to the 2010 World Conference of Community of Christ.

We drove and we drove, and we drove, I started my shift near Indianapolis, having not a wink of sleep, and drove to about 40 miles shy of St. Louis before handing over the reigns, seeking that wink of sleep. It was perhaps just a wink that I got, for by the time we pulled into the Auditorium parking lot I had perhaps acuminated between 4am CDT and 8:20 CDT about an hour of sleep.

We spent the morning walking around a bit, meeting a couple of people, getting our conference materials… then we went and rested a bit at the place of our dwelling for the week. I slept not, but rather read over some of the conference material. Then it was time for nourishment, then the Daily Prayer for Peace service, and then a quick trip to the store and back for a bit more reading. If you ever have a booklet of financial reports and related information that is 68 pages long, you may wish to consider not trying to read/skim through it all at once. Unless of course that is your thing, my mind was in an interesting place… after going though it all.  After a bit we took off again and went to the Royals game. If you know me I’m not a big sports fan, but hey it was good to be out with friends, even if it did keep me up even long. The Royals won, which made people happy (though I am sure also made some not). Then we went once more to our place of dwelling, last night I think I got a bit more than 5 hours of sleep in, So I’m good for a few days right? (hopefully I am wrong and I get some sleep tonight as well).

Reflections after reviewing materials…

In January Prophet-President Steve Veazey presented words of counsel to the church. I don’t want to ignore the importance of the words of Counsel, for there is much in them, perhaps that parts that speak MOST to me, that I’m not going to refer to in the following, but rather the following is probably the most visible and immediate impact I see happening if we approve it for inclusion into the Doctrine and Covenants.

If approved, it will pave the way for the acceptance of some baptisms preformed by ministers of other Christian faith traditions. See Q&A part 3. (Though I wonder if accepting of non immersion baptism can be formulated as a rule without conference action as GCR212 says only those are legal… Or can the First Presidency in their interpretation of a few recent sections retroactively rule that resolution out of order? I think it would be best to allow the conference to do some action such as amend it so it read that form is needed for baptisms performed by  Community of Christ ministers, the conference supports the First Presidency in concert with the 12 developing polices of what forms of baptism by water done by other ministers can be embraced, and that in those extreme and rare cases where full immersion is not possible, other forms may be authorized on a case by case bases by members of the Council of 12 in consultation with and approval of the full Council)

If approved, which is the assumption by most people, it will grant the First Presidency new authority to rule conference legislation out of order…And from looking at the proposed agenda that will happen. [They ruled items would not come before the conference, but never used the phrase ruled out of order, interesting]. The question is, will the conference assume the First Presidency is right, or will they challenge the ruling and possibly over ride it. [We did not challenge] For right now they are suggesting that on Tuesday consider the counsel, on Thursday amend the bylaws of the church to the ability to have special called create national, cultural, and regional conferences, and then “ruling on Resolutions Pertaining to Sexual Orientation” and “Ruling on Resolutions to Refer”. I’m not for this, I’m  for the spirit of it, but not this way. I understand the concerns, but I’m concerned about our approach.  [I still struggle with it, but my conference experience has placed me in a different place, I have hope, but I still have my fears, but I think we are trying to embrace what we feel the Holy calling us to do] We are called to be prophetic, should we allow injustice to not be countered because some places it is taboo, some places it makes it harder to be, if we live out our enduring principles. How do we ensure we reflect the Peace of Christ and we are not reflecting aspects of culture that are contrary to it?

11-Apr-2010

Yesterday was an amazing time. I saw many people, even if only briefly, who I have not seen in some time. I shared around the table and in meal with friends, some of whom I have not seen in a year, others not in three. It was wonderful. Friends who live on multiple continents, and from various aspects of life. It was amazing.

At the opening session of the Conference the General Sec. of the National Council of Churches spoke. It was a wonderful address, a welcoming address. It was wonderful to hear this man share his long knowledge of encounter with us from his childhood days to present day, and of his strong encouragement of support for our entry into this particular ecumenical communion where our application is being considered. To hear of the values of that communion, and their alignment with our own. About the wonders of being engaged in even greater unity in diversity with our fellow sisters and brothers in Christ who come from a wide range of understandings and backgrounds, and yet find that common place together in Christ.

I also had wonderful discussions with fellow young adults on various issues yesterday, finding it wonderful to hear a diversity of voices but also perhaps what I would see as a unity of core value/vision…

I’m pondering the impacts of two things on our agenda this week. If the words of counsel are approved, and if the amendment to the bylaws is approved as is, then we may be greatly limiting the people and empowering the leadership. For it grants the First Presidency the power to say something should not be handled by the world church, while at the same time encouraging that some issues better done in regional, cultural, national levels. In some way this sounds great, let certain things be decided more locally… but how will this impact part of the global family culture aspect of Community of Christ?  But for the main question on my mind… The bylaw change that would create legislative conferences of this type,creates the avenue for only called, special conferences with a limited agenda set by the leadership, and only 4 weeks notice needed

Early on after the council was given, I expressed some of my struggles and concerns regarding the conferences, especially when it comes to people being bale to attend , another gathering… add to it short notice, may make it even harder. and a few other concerns fall upon my heart as well. [Happy to note the notice time has been increased to 12 weeks, proposed by a college friend of mine, supported by another friend of mine, both members of my home delegation GPNW]

14-Apr-2010

The past two days in the Mass Meeting of the Aaronic Priesthood we discussed the words of counsel. It was an interesting experience, filled with unique challenges. Toward the end we were a bit rushed, and for such an important task, that I do not appreciate. While time is limited, when dealing with inspired documents and weather we will embrace them into the scriptures of the tradition, we should not be rushed in our deliberations with a sense of “you must be done by a particular time.” When the presider indicated he had a meeting 15 minutes after our time would be up, that I felt was wrong, what is more important? That task before us, or some meeting one scheduled…

Last night I participated in a wonderful service done, primarily in Spanish, with side by side translation into English. But was sad how few people attended, so many empty seats on the chamber floor. Then it was to a young adult “service” which was a good experience, before returning to my place of rest for the week and rewriting a letter I had written earlier that day.

Peace,