I sit down upon the floor and I pray… I lie there, my mind open seeking understanding… I find confusion and uncertainty. I find mixture and pause… I find life speeding by, and also moving slower than slow. Life changes in some ways and other ways it seems stagnate.
Decisions I’ve reflected on, discuses with others about, but still thought theoretical and far off pop into reality as I talk on the phone with others. The reality sets in as letters are drafted or rather redrafted, e-mails are sent, then time to breathe, time passes and then it is time to let those close to me know… more e-mails sent, text messages, face to face conversations, phone calls, old fashioned letters, hand written notes… time flies, reality sets in of the changes about to happen, comfort mixed with sadness, mixed with uncertainty, mixed with I don’t know. Time to reflect, time to pause, one more letter to be delivered… more conversations to be be made, sadness to come, joy to come, mixture of emotions yet to be… so much to do, so little time, and yet a lifetime of time lies ahead….
My mind wanders, pauses and thinks about what do those close to me who I talked to days before decisions made, will think about upon hearing the changes. Changes that I made not a hint of when sharing with them, for I thought if they came to be they were to be a bit further further off than in reality they were… and thought were but a slight possibility at that.
At some point maybe I’ll look back and go “why?” or perhaps I will look back and be thankful for the changes I am making… All I can hope for is that as I make these changes, I will allow them to aid me on my journey on the path of Discipleship, allow them to strengthen me, to engage me in sharing Christ’s peace in new and exiting ways, and allow me to find healing that I am in need of.
May I be open to the Spirit, be open to the breathe that guides and comforts, and may I become the instrument of Christ’s peace that I am called to be. May we all embrace our callings, risk the unknown and the known as we seek to live out in our various faiths and understands that path toward the healing and reconciling of an injured, war torn and broken world that cries out for wholeness and peace.
Peace be with you;
— Lyle II