I can’t I just can’t sleep. Well that’s not completely true. Last night I went to bed a bit after 9, having been struggling with energy levels since about 5. I was awake by about 1:30am, drifting in and out ever since, unable to stay long in the land of dreams.
The sleep in part is a struggle as my body continues to fight with the cold or whatever it was that I caught two weeks ago, but also perhaps a bit as I struggle with a sermon. A sermon that keeps transforming even now. It’s just hours away and yet, I know not the words that will escape my lips causing a storm, and yet there is also a peace with it, for I know the words that will escape my lips. What?
Yes I know it’s sounds contradictory, but it truly isn’t. I’ve sat and I have reflected. I have worked through the sermon in my head. I have written it in various ways. I tried to work through it last night as my voice started to fail me, hopefully it will hold through this morning. The sermon is there, the vision is there, and yet it is ever changing. As I sat and listened and engaged in conversation with others at the retreat new thoughts and ideas came forward, parts transformed. As I struggled in the dark this morning it transformed some more… so no I do not know the words that will escape and yet I do. The process of this sermon has been different than most and that scares me. For I feel prepared and not prepared all at the same time. But I have trust, not in myself but in the Holy.
Okay, I do have trust in myself and in the Holy. I trust that I will be more open, I trust I will be more responsive to the Holy. For as I have struggled with this sermon I have encountered my calling once again. I have encountered new understandings of it. I have encountered the road blocks I have put in my way and started to find ways with the Holy to transform those blocks into building blocks for a foundation and future of servanthood.
This day as I struggle with sleep, as i struggle with illness, and with a sermon, I know it’s time for transformation. It’s time to start understanding the passion and the resurrection within my own life so I can be more fully the servant to all, to be part of a called servant people to the whole of creation, seeking healing, reconciliation and restoration for all of creation.
So this morning this is my prayer;
Holy One of Grace and Beauty;
Here on this day that leads to the completion of my 28th year on this amazing planet of your creation I turn to you. I turn to you in prayer, in praise. I have seen the wonders of creation with the changing colours of Autumn, I have felt your warmth and love in the cool brisk air and the refreshing rain and I am reminded of your life giving water.
As my body thirsts, I am reminded of the woman at the well who you gave water to so freely. I know as well, that that water is the water I seek, and yet I have all ready. I seek to embrace my calling to be the disciple of your son that you call me to be. To share that living water with all whom I encounter, and to help all see and know that well spring within them, so that they too may be empowered to share the joy and wonder of your love and grace with those whom they encounter each day.
I give you my life anew this day, and seek to give it to you and all of your creation each day. May I as part of Community of Christ and of the greater community of those who call upon the name of the One who gave life, so that all may have life, and of the community of all those who have faith in you in various ways and forms, and the community of all of your creation, go forth this day and everyday seeking and working toward the healing of all all of creation. May we go forth and bring about true healing and restoration to a world in need. A world that desperately is in need of knowing, encountering, and embracing your love and grace, the peace of your son, and the hope and comfort of your spirit, a world which includes me…
Thank you so very much for your love, for your life giving water,….
In Your Son’s Most Holy Name Amen.
Your creation seeking to be a servant to all of your creation, Lyle II
Yes, tomorrow I turn 28…
Peace be with you all, embrace your callings,
— Lyle II