I get to listen to people, to be with people… it’s just part of who I am and also what I do. Over the past few weeks my mind has once more drifted into how little we as individuals and as community truly listen to one another. How in certain situations we have programmed responses, expectations etc, that hamper our listening, or perhaps at times hamper our honesty to questions raised.
Person 1- “Good day” Person 2- “I’m doing fine”
Person 1- “How are you?” Person 2“I’m doing well and you?” Person 1“I’m doing okay” Person 2“I’m all right”
I also think about my trip to DR Congo last summer. My prof. who was from there gave us a list of words and phrases to help us communicate. I think this list reflects the honesty aspect. To the question equivalent to “how are you?” the only response we were given was the equivalent of “I’m fine.” what if ZI am great? what if I am sick? what if… but no we tend to remain in that masking situation even when we have the words that are closer to how we truly are. And when we step outside of using the common responses either people seem to think and react as if we had said the common, ie not listening, or are a bit taken back and surprised it isn’t the normal response, sometimes then leading to the more in-depth and truly growing conversation, often though not, as we still tend to not fully listen, but hear only part of what is said.
I wonder how much of the conflict, pain and suffering in the world is the result of either: “not hearing” or by people saying what is expected and not what is reality, or a limited portion of it… We all do it, I know I do at times, I catch myself doing it sometimes. I wonder though if we all tried to pause, to hear, listen, and speak truth (not spill the beans tell all your secrets, but be honest: if not doing well say so no in-depth of why, just “not well” rather than “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” unless you of course feel safe and feel the other is comfortable and willing to hear the greater depth)….
My thoughts go deeper, but I’ve got to go and I’m struggling to put them together…
Peace,
— Lyle II