In the early hours this morning as the thunder roared and the rain came down, I laid their thinking and reflecting upon the past few days and all that has been upon my mind. primarily upon forgiveness, something that has been coming to mind a lot of late. A simple word, with complex possibilities. So easy and yet so difficult.
As I look upon my own life encounters I come to see and realize that “forgiveness” is something I know to be important, something that is needed part of the process of restoring and healing creation, something that I can do, have done, and often do with ease… except when it comes to myself. In the past couple of days I have come to see the reality and sillyness at times of how I have not forgiven myself, and held myself accountable, to blame… for things outside of my control. Even with this realization it is still a struggle to forgive myself, to allow myself to be. It is perhaps my life story. Never granting for myself, never allowing for myself that which I grant others, that which I encourage others to grant themselves. It is not healthy, it is not good, but it is reality, and I hope with the care and support of those around me I will be able to move forward, as I have experienced and started to already this week. So what follows (along with that above) are some thoughts formed out of my reflections this morning, and realizations of the past few days.
In the witness of scripture we can find many accounts of forgiveness, the need for it, the pleas of those before us seeking it, being called to give it, and or some saying they do forgive. Even when not directly stated, it is a theme that pulsates through the scriptures, and through all sacred story. As part of Christ’s example of how to pray we find in Mathew, Luke, and III Nephi forgiveness as part of that. In the prayer often known as “the Lord’s Prayer” we find a plea to be forgiven, and a statement that we forgive others. In each case (and in different translations) the focus and way it is expressed is different, and is tied in part to forgiveness of a particular thing… trespasses, debts…, and yet I think it speaks to a much fuller expression of forgiveness than this.
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Matt 6:14 IV
“Forgive us our sins; for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.” Luke 11:4a IV
“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” III Nephi 6:104
Perhaps an interesting thing to me, is that through scripture as a whole, and all of sacred story, we are reminded that we are forgiven, and yet we continually are asking to be. Yes there are passages of scripture that seem to indicate a lack of forgiveness, and yet I think the totality would say, we all are forgiven. we are reminded time and time again to forgive others, not to forget, but forgive, to become healed, restored, and whole. We are called to forgive ALL others (Doctrine and Covenants 64:2d-e: “ye ought forgive one another…of you it is required to forgive all”) To step forward and extend the hand which leads to the restoring and healing of broken relationship.
As I look and ponder sacred story, both that found within scripture, and in other annuals of time, I find a lot of examples of forgiving other clearly pointed out. Yet the more difficult task of forgiving self, is not as directly addressed. Indirectly sure. For if we are to forgive “all” that includes yourself does it not?
Community of Christ has embraced these words as reflecting the will of the Eternal “…the restoring of persons to healthy or righteous relationships with God, others themselves, and the earth is at the heart of the purpose of your journey as a people of faith” (Doctrine and Covenants 163:2b emphasis added). If, as I believe, forgiveness is truly key to the restoring of relation, and if this is truly the heart of our purpose, what could this mean in terms of forgiving ourselves? This faith community is called in part to help people forgive themselves, to restore that relationship. In order to aid others in doing so we must do so ourselves.
As the first half of the verse states we are to “Generously share the invitation, ministries, and sacraments through which people can encounter the Living Christ who heals and reconciles through redemptive relationships in sacred ministry.” I have been blessed to be in sacred community, to be with others who push, prod, nudge me, and seek to help me become restored in my relationships, and perhaps the one in most need is the relationship with self, for without allowing the healing Grace of the Eternal to bless and make me more whole, how can I truly embrace my individual and communal calling as part of this people of healing and restoration? Yesterday after talking with a friend I was reminded of prophetic words shared with me in December 2004 which have been running through my head since that conversation: “God also wants us to forgive ourselves” and so now with the aid of a loving sacred community, I seek to risk, I seek to step forward, and try and forgive myself, to allow myself to be healed and made more whole. It is a long journey I know, but I rest assured I am not alone on the journey and that we are all “loved with an everlasting love that delights in each faithful step taken,” and that the Eternal One “yearns to draw [us] close so that wounds may be healed, emptiness filled, and hope strengthened” (Doctrine and Covenants 163:10a). And so I seek, and hope you will as well to “not turn away in pride, fear, of guilt,” to come with “open minds and hearts and discover the blessings of the gospel anew. [To] be vulnerable to divine grace.” (Doctrine and Covenants 163:10b).
Peace be with you as we journey together on the amazing path before us,
— Lyle II