Each day I seem to feel a bit better than the day before. There is much more colour to my face than there has been in a very long time. I no longer look in the mirror each morning to ensure that it isn’t going away, instead I just check once every few days. I think I a doing better and yet…
I am nowhere near where I want to be in my recovery.
I am in part a runner. I have never been a great runner, but a runner I am no less.
In days of late I have dreamed of running once more. I want to run, to feel the wind, to enjoy the focus and peace, to run and pray…
But, I know I can not push myself there yet. Tuesday or Monday (I think it was Tuesday, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it was yesterday so maybe it was Monday) made it all the more clear how far away I am from being able to run. At about 14:30 I put a leash on the dog, and she and I started on a walk.
We took our time, stopping here and there to let Mocha sniff whatever that nose of here found interesting. We went at a slow pace, very slow pace… I would guess that we walked about a mile and a half in about 30 mins. I wasn’t really feeling tired during the walk, unlike the last walk we had taken of about 3/4 of a mile. As soon as we ended though and we went inside it started to hit me. I sat on the couch and soon found myself falling asleep, to wake up around 5:30 or 6 when my parents came home. I was still out of it and had little energy for a while after that.
I want to be able to walk several miles w/o being worn out. I want to be able to run… I want to run. I know though that it is not safe for me to go running right now. My body just could not handle it, but that doesn’t keep me from want to do it.
Life is frustrating right now. There is so much I want to do that for now I can’t do (run, school….) Then because I can’t go to school my deferments on my student loans are ending soon, some at the end of the month and some in a few months. Since I can’t work either, I can’t pay them… almost $500 dollars is due next month, but I can’t file for a forbearance until th 30th of this month for those loans…
Ah the joys of life,
At least I have my faith community and can participate there, but this multi-congregational Deacon has not been able to be as active as he would like, but at least is able to be active.
Peace to one and all,
— Lyle II